BREAKING NEWS: The Pirate Party has won the 2015 General Election!
Here are six things you can expect from your new Pirate Democracy.
Your Internet connection would be faster than the Black Pearl herself
Internet speeds would increase, prices would drop! Our digital economy would boom – creating jobs for everyone! Internet censorship wouldn’t exist any more and you won’t have to wait through anti-piracy ads before watching a movie.
Oh… and public WiFi will be free.
Stop scurvies… and those other diseases!
Oh… and healthcare will be free.
School will be AMAZING and not just for cabin boys
Learning will be life long to whomever wants it. 9 year olds will be allowed to blog about school dinners without being suspended. We’ll teach people about technology, not specific software. Here’s a novel idea, we will have teachers just teaching, not completing administrative tasks and paperwork. Let’s have smaller classes and more schools, not huge overcrowded schools with huge overcrowded classrooms.
Oh… and education will be free.
No more speed camera pillaging!
Hey let’s remove revenue collection speed cameras that capture people speeding and replace them real traffic calming measures to stop people speeding. CCTV would be scrapped and we’ll have better trained, accountable and more readily available bobbies.
Oh… and access to any footage or records will be free.
Civil liberties ALL OVER THE PLACE
Free speech, right to protest, the freedom of expression… in all public places! Snooping on your e-mails, letters, phone-calls, texts… smoke signals… will all be made illegal without a court order. The privacy of the individual will be respected at all times. Those who expose wrong-doings will be protected.
Oh… and protesting will be free – no privatisation of dissent
We won’t plunder your booty!
We may be Pirates but we believe in a fair fight. If you were to run against us in an election, we would see to it that there wasn’t a £500 deposit needed. Strangling our competition with heavy fees is undemocratic… but you best be ready to take on a Pirate!
So… elections would be free.